Saturday, June 30, 2007

The Writing Mom

Some days I don't make it to my keyboard, and there's guilt about that. This poem helps me to remember what's really important.


My hands were busy through the day.
I didn’t have much time to play.
The little games you asked to do,
I didn’t have much time for you.
I’d wash your clothes. I’d sew and cook.
You’d ask and I’d read from your book.
I’d tuck you in all safe at night,
And hear your prayers; turn out the light.

Then tiptoe softly by your door,
I wish I’d stayed a minute more.
For life was short, the years rushed past,
A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at my side,
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away.
There are no longer games to play.

No Teddy Bears or misplaced toys
No sleepovers with lots of boys.
No goodnight kiss, no prayers to hear.
That all belongs to yesteryear.
My hands, once busy, now are still.
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to do.


Monday, June 25, 2007


Ohmagod, it's a craft post. (G)

All right, you writers, help me out here. I've been struggling with this for a while, and I'm going to lay it all out. If I know me, by the time I finish writing it all down I'll have decided on a course of action, because that's how my little brain works, but I really want to know what you - YOU! -have to say about this.

I write paranormal historicals. The WIP I'm on right now, THE WITCH OF BADENOCH, is in first person, which I've chosen because I like the intimacy of being right inside my MC's head. However, when I made the change to first person I lost some other points of view - that of my Scottish-warrior-hunka-sexy-bod and my super-bitchy-sex-addict-witch antagonist. I really do feel that their perspectives add to the story, but I'm nervous about combining POVs.

One-two chapters in first person, then a few in third? Nnnn, there's something about that notion that puts me off a little. Would that annoy you, even supposing it was well done?

I've read enough, written enough and thought enough to know that indeed, there are no rules. You can do whatever you want - as long as you do it well. So, why the hesitation? Well, how about I tell ya?

One - crisis of confidence. This book is six years in vitro. When I started the latest re-write I vowed to Keep It Simple. A straight-forward novel, I said, that's what I need to write. Let's see if we can't finish something without getting all tangled up in our panties. Well, it's not turning out that way so far. (sigh) The question of whether or not I can pull it off will have to wait until I've tried.

Two - marketability. (Yes, I do know better. But.) Here I am, a new writer with my first MS. Will it be harder to sell this than a single-pov story, or even one in third? I know there are other books out there that use this method, but still, I can see it being an issue. I write to write, but I don't want to set myself up for failure. Still, the question of whether I can pull it off or not will have to wait until I've tried.

Pattern forming, here.

Ms. Vicki has what she calls the kitchen sink method. Throw it in there, she says, you can sort it out later. This is somewhat contrary to the KISS, method, methinks!

Many, many others remind me that it's MY book. It can't - and won't ever - exist without the force and input of my own creativity. That's partly because it needs the blood of my imagination to grow from embryo to infant, and why would I censor that? Wouldn't it be better to fill these pages with as much of the best me as I can?

Of course, it's also partly because I just won't write the damn thing if I'm not having fun.

Well, hell. It IS my book. And it's MY precious free time that goes into it. If I want to write it this way, I guess I can give myself permission to do that. No, scratch that.

I hereby ORDER me to do it my way!

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Status update

BamBam goes in for day surgery next week, they're inserting tubes in his ears to clear up an ongoing issue we've had with his hearing. It'll be reasonably pain-free, but he's a cautious little person and so we'll be using the next few days to help him prepare for the ordeal. We've got a video from the library and I've been bringing up the topic now and again, gently, since I've noticed he really doesn't want to discuss it. Fingers crossed it all goes well, they do this dozens of times a week, in any case.

Pebbles can stand, but at fourteen months hasn't begun walking yet. She does, however, climb - and there have been a number of heart-stopping incidents when we've had to take her down from the top of a five-foot ladder, the end table, etc. Have I mentioned this already?

Writing-wise, no news. I've had to make my peace with being a hobby-writer for now. Stick with me writer-friends, I still need you!

Saturday, June 16, 2007

We have progress!

I wrote 1013 words today.

Yay, me!

Friday, June 15, 2007

Where did Cindy go?

It's been one of those weeks. Work, care for loved ones. Sleep. Work, care for loved ones, watch a TV show, sleep. I'm just doing what I have to do for now, and that's ok. That's motherhood.

But tomorrow...tomorrow is going to be a good writing day. I can tell! And that's good, because I really feel like this story is ready to go. I don't want it to slip away for lack of attention.

Monday, June 04, 2007


We've all got them. Some are very important, some are middling, some obviously come after everything else. For me, this week, I'm trying to figure out where writing fits, for me, in my life, right now.

It's been a bit of a mess, but the dust is settling. Hubby and I are getting the hang of this role-reversal thang. He's doing wonderfully, and it's gratifying for me to know that he's got a whole new idea of what it's like to manage a household. For me, my heart hurts when I drive away from the house every day, and I keep reminding myself that it's temporary, moms have to work sometimes too.

Being a mother taught me how to use time. Being a mother at work six days a week is going to force me to be brutal in uncluttering those few hours I get between supper and bed, between dawn on Sunday and that moment when I close my eyes. So what really matters?

- Time with the kids, reading, playing , and not looking at my watch and thinking about how I should put a load of laundry in.

- Time with hubby, who deserves more attention than he gets. He comes last too often.

- Time alone. I need - I'm starving for - time by myself, time when nobody needs anything from me, time when nobody is talking to me, time when I can do nothing, just read or soak or sit and watch tv.

- Time to write. I set this apart from alone time because they're not the same thing and I need both.

- Time to sleep. I'm an eight hours person. I don't always get that, of course, but I've learned that I need to do my best to get enough sleep because it affects my personality, and I owe it to my family to be the best Mom/wife I can. When I'm tired I'm impatient and I lose my temper too easily.

I know, welcome to motherhood, the rewards for which are not to be found on the list above. On Sunday I smelled Pebbles' neck a lot, you know the spot, just below her ear. I sat in the sun with my folks, spent some time feeling like I ought to clean something but not doing it. BamBam stayed overnight at his Nanny's, so I still miss him.

Hmmm. Time to clean the house didn't show up on the list.

Anyway, why blog about it? You writers know. Writing it helps me see it better, helps me see me better. I know it's all going to come together. When I get my days off back again I'll appreciate them more, and I'll have learned - again - not to put so many chores before puzzle time. Nothing changes faster than a child, and nothing more precious has ever gone unappreciated.