Monday, July 21, 2008

To three or not to three?

Yesterday afternoon, I spent a little while working on a paint-by-number while the kids watched some TV.

"So?" You ask.

And this morning, I woke up to find that Pebbles had spent the entire night in her own bed, with no 3 am requests for cuddles or a bottle. That's been happening more and more.

"She's two," you remind me. "That's what we expect. And why are you still giving her a bottle at 3 am anyway?" (I don't know. Leave me alone.)

...AND I've noticed lately that there are times in the evening when - get this! - nobody needs me for anything. I could sit down, and it's almost like nobody would notice. Except maybe the cat, who is attracted to warm horizontal surfaces.

I was looking at pictures of Pebbles, and suddenly I'm realizing how much she's grown. That she really isn't a baby any more. She's a toddler, a person in her own right, fully equipped with her own agendas and opinions. We're arriving at that point where it starts to get easier. Or at least less intense.

So I hear myself asking, in a faraway, singsong kind of mental I want another?


And then I glance nervously at my husband, to see if he heard me thinking that. Because if he did, I think he might actually cry. And then shake me. And then ask a lot of loud questions about my mental health. And I'd be waiting just as anxiously for my answers, because that's just...

('s biology, is what it is. It's a gazillion years of reproductive programming.)

...crazy. I've been working six days a week and I'm in no position to change that, I don't ever feel like I spend enough time with the Beloved I already have, I haven't been writing, or baking, or keeping up with any of my friends. So sure, let's have another baby. FABulous idea.

Says the little voice that started it all, "I didn't mean right this minute!"

"Oh, shut up," I tell it. "We are not discussing this." And we're not.

At least not right now.


Susan Adrian said...

Cindy: Step away from that thought. Slowly. Carefully. :)

Cindy said...

Cha! Quick, pass me something heavy. I'll squash the wee bugger.

Karen said...

Cindy, Cindy, Cindy - you are such a talented writer!! I just went through and read all your latest entries...the sense of humour, your voice, the whole gammut is so very entertaining...I love them all, related to them, was envious of them, pictured them in my mind. Excellent and awesome you are, woman! And by the way, I was just outside of Pictou in Seafoam right when you were there at my trailer - you should visit me if you go again!

Cindy said...

Wow, thanks Karen! (I'm blushing.)

Seafoam is maybe ten minutes away from where we go! (However, due to a catastrophic flood, the whole place has been gutted and won't be usable until the fall. Humph.)

In fact, I've eaten ice cream at an RV park on the main road there, is that where you go?