Slogging through the middle, knee deep in doubt

I've been doing a fairly good job avoiding the sexy other projects, new and old, that have been trying to tempt me away from A HAND TO HOLD. I know exactly what's happening - I'm staring at the Dreaded Middle, and thinking there just might be a way around, some way I might not have to face myself just now. But I do. And I must. The only way is to keep writing.

Yesterday I scribbled out a scene that happens outside my MC's point of view, and will likely not be included anywhere as I'm using first person. In this scene, Carrie's best friend Erin spills some private information to Luke - the new lover. This leads up to the fight that ends the middle and starts us on the chain of events leading to the climax.

I've been wondering how to stage the actual confrontation between Luke and Carrie. there are events in his past that make it hard for him to trust, consequently he is very big on honesty. Carrie hasn't lied, she just hasn't told him (about the night she overdosed on sleeping pills.) This feels like a big betrayal to him, so how does he act? How does he tell her he knows? How does Luke fight?

How does Carrie react? She's never seen him angry like this, she's shocked. She's finally allowed herself to love and be intimate, and suddenly he's shoving her away with both hands. I suppose she's angry. She knows how he feels about honesty, but she doesn't feel she owed him that information. That's private, and she's stubborn. Hmmm.

So I wrote out the conversation between Erin and Luke, just thinking that if I knew myself exactly what was said, I might have some insight into how Luke would react. I also figured out a bit more about where Erin's coming from. I'm pleased with it.

So today, odds are work will be busy. In between, I'll see if I can't get into Carrie's head a little.

But first, coffee!

Sudden inspiration, or fruitless distraction?

Today I am almost frantic to work on my historical novel, THE WITCH OF BADENOCK. The main character keeps talking to me, but I've had such a hard time with that story that I've almost decided not to go back. It's the history part - I'm constantly doubting myself, is this accurate? Is that accurate? I should just say to feck with that, and write the story to please me and only me, because the truth is that's where the best stories come from.

So I might plug in to her later, but first I must work, work, work! Christmas cards to sign by the hundreds. Customers calling, customers leaving voice meessages and sending emails to follow up on their voice messages. I love my work, I'm just sick of it right now. I'd rather be writing.

I have some lovely new recipes to share, one for turnip gratin you can find over at Simply Recipes, and one for Bread Pudding with rum-butterscotch sauce and raisins.

For now, there's a customer at the counter who wonders why the computer he bought four years ago was fine then, but not now. (Sigh)

Because there's really only today.

Today, I will write morning pages to try to clear some of the static out of my brain. There are some family dramas that are looping through the old gray matter, and it's interfering with how much I enjoy my life. I'm a little rattled - I cannot find my center. These things shall not be tolerated!

Today I will eat a ham and swiss cheese sandwich with extra swiss. And whatever else gets in my way that looks chocolatey.

Today I will not answer any call originating from a 1-800 number. So piss off, whoever you are. I'm bloggin', heah.

Today I will remember that I am awesome - divine, even - and I expect you to remember that you are too, young lady.

Today I will remember the importance of gratitude.

Today I will reconsider the begining of the novel. I need another scene, 2-3K, to go before the graveside scene. Plus, I have not forgotten my halloween X. It's coming, promise!