Creamed Lobster on toast

I have no photos of this most incredible Nova Scotia vice - call it a meal if you want to, but once you see my recipe you'll understand.  Anyway, I looked around the internet to see if I could find any pictures I could use, and that's when I discovered that we prepare this differently than what seems to be the official way.  This doesn't bother me one bit, and I invite you to try my very unscientific and completely unofficial way.

First, get some fresh lobsters from the man at the bottom of your street for $5/lb.  Can't do that?  Oh, I'm so sorry.  Acquire lobster.  If you must, you can use the frozen, canned stuff but be advised there is no tail meat in there.  Still, for our purposes the frozen stuff beats no lobster every time.  If you're using fresh lobster, 3 ~1lb lobsters will give you about 2 cups of meat.  That (or one can) will feed two easily.  Maybe more.

If you're using fresh lobster, I recommend having your husband buy it, cook it and get it out of the shell before you get home from work.  Saves a lot of time.  Actually, why don't you just have him do the whole job.  Here's what he should do:

Get a medium saucepan and put about 4 Tbsp of butter in it, melt that.  Cut the lobster into smallish bite-sized pieces and put it in the butter. Sprinkle with a pinch each of salt and pepper.  Pour enough coffee cream to just about cover it, and heat it on medium or a tad bit higher.

Now the Experts say don't let it come to a boil, lest it curdle, but I am not an expert.  (I've never had mine curdle.)  Good thing, because I want you to simmer this and reduce it down by about a third.  Then taste it and decide if you want more butter.  (Hint: yes!)  Now comes the hard part - stay with me - add more cream.  Back to where it was before, just about covering the meat.  Simmer.  Repeat.

Serve Hamburger Helper to your children.

Once in a while, come over to the stove and poke the mixture with a wooden spoon.  You want it to know that you don't have all night and you're hungry.  Careful, don't drool into the pot.  You'll know it's ready when the meat begins to sort of come apart and become one with the cream.  It all turns pinkish.  Taste it, check your seasonings.  You can add more butter if you want - that's between you and your conscience.

Now you get some white bread and put it in the toaster.  When it's toasted you can butter it.  (I mean, why worry about it now?)  Spoon some of the creamed lobster over the hot buttered toast. 

At this point your husband will probably offer you the first plate.  You should refuse, but just enough to be polite and not enough that he actually eats it himself.

Then you should take your bathroom scale and hide it in a safe place.  In case there's leftovers.