Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Voices of Me

Yes, yes, YES!

My MC is talking, and I've got down a major scene that opens the way through to the next scenes. I'm jumping back and forth through the beginning, still learning about Carrie and where she is right now, but I feel good about where it's going. I'm constantly amazed about how much I'm learning about this process.

I've stopped going over to the forum, I simply don't have the time. I love the company there, but feel more and more lately like I have nothing to contribute. I guess even lurking there makes me feel like a big faker, like a joiner, like I'm pretending to be a writer, when I'm not - not through any fault or laziness, but we do as circumstances must. Now, though, it's time to get back to...me.

My goal wasn't to hang around watching writers chat about craft. My goal wasn't to make lots of writer friends (even though I love the ones I have made!) My goal was to grow as a writer, a mother and a woman. To write, to become more. I don't feel like I've been doing that lately. I feel used up.

Where once I wanted - needed - to be in touch, now I feel more like I need to withdraw. I need to light a candle. I need to turn inward, to sit quietly, and listen to the sound of my own thoughts, the voices of me. Until I can do that, what could I possibly have to share?

6 comments:

Susan Adrian said...

Cindy:

Yup. I totally feel that way sometimes, and withdraw as completely as possible. It's necessary...and then it gives you the energy to connect again, when you want to. {s}

Lindsay York Levack said...

Yes. I feel the same way about the forum. It is unfortunate. I learned so much there. But the teaching happens less often, I noticed. It's no longer a welcome environment for newbies, and those of us with more writing experience have to go there with specific questions. And I just don't have many questions these days. It's become more of a place for complaining about the publishing industry and rubbing elbows with DG. Still, it's hard to leave, but I back your decision 100%.

So glad to hear the writing is moving along!

Renée said...

Congratulations on hearing your MC! I love it when characters take over like that!

I understand what you're saying about withdrawing. It's why I've never been very involved in online writing communities. Hope you still update your blog from time to time! (I know. I'm one to talk! ;o)

Cindy said...

Hi Susan,
Yes, I really need to fill the well. And so far, not missing the forum, either.

Granted, I haven't actually HAD a moment to myself since vowing I would do so, but my head is in the work, and that feels good.

Cindy said...

Hi Lindsay!
I came to the forum in 2001, I think. I have seen a difference in the amount of craft talk and teaching that goes on, but I get the feeling that it was better before that, even.

What makes you say newbies aren't welcome? (Just curious, I haven't been reading to know myself)

Cindy said...

Hi Renee!
You must be looking forward to Surrey, you're going, right?

You do tend to keep your head down and work, I've noticed. I do admire that. I think that when I first came to the forum I was home with my first baby, and starved for company. I fell into the chat habit, and told myself it was all to do with writing, when really it wasn't. It was about being social. Now I'm around people all the time, and I'm craving the opposite.

That's me. Never satisfied. (G)